We often end up living an “unexpected” life. Yet through it, glimmers of hope, faith, love and peace find their way through.
After being married for forty years and serving the Catholic Church as a deacon, leaving the diaconate was the last thing on my mind. Never did I expect to be a suicide survivor. Grieving the loss of my wife was difficult enough, but with suicide, the grieving was much more intense. Being a deacon in the Catholic Church intensified that grieving even more.
Being alone was never a problem for me, but true loneliness was something new. It came with a realization that I didn’t have anyone to share my life with anymore, and, most dauntingly, because of being a deacon, it came with a sense of permanence - knowing that this was my life now.
The Catholic Church made it clear. I could not stay a deacon and pursue another loving relationship that could lead to marriage. I was aware of the rule, but after two years of discernment, I couldn’t seem to make a decision. This battle put me into the hospital for open-heart surgery. Finally, with God’s help, I made my decision.
Rick, a local reporter, wanted to interview me with regard to my diaconate experience and how I came to that decision. Rick turned out to be more than a reporter. This is my true story. Through it, I hope glimmers of hope, faith, love and peace find their way through your clouds as well.
Proceeds go to Suicide Awareness.